Gratitude

I took Caden to Wheeler Farm today. I thought he would enjoy walking around and seeing the animals, going on a tractor ride, and feeding the ducks. He did like seeing all the animals, but he was terrified of them all at the same time. He was also pettrified of the wind, so I carried him the whole time we were there. We didn't stay long because my arms were getting tired, but while we were there, I overheard an interesting conversation. There were two moms who had packed a picnic lunch for their kids. One little boy, who was about Caden's age, refused to eat anything. The Mom finally let him get up and play after trying relentlessly to get him to eat lunch. She then complained to her friend about her little boy that was such a picky eater. She said things like "Why did I have to get a picky-eater?", "It just doesn't seem fair that everyone else has kids that eat so good and he won't eat anything.", "I would kill to have a kid who would just be normal and eat." I can't remember everything she said, but you get the idea. I do understand her frustration, as I have a picky-eater, but her tone of voice made it sound like she was talking about something horrible, like cancer or AIDS. Her comments stung me a little bit as I watched her little boy run and play with the other kids, without a care in the world, as I held my sweet little Caden, who is afraid of everything, including other kids. I had also just gotten a phone call from the school because Cierra had had a pretty big seizure and they wanted to know what to do. I was very tempted to say something to this Mom, but chose not to. I wanted to to tell her what life was really all about, but I know it wouldn't have made a difference. I used to be the same way about things like that. I used to get easily upset about small and unimportant things (and still do sometimes), but I try not to anymore. My life has taken me on a very unexpected path these past few years. I am left to make decisions about which seizure medication to try next, the one with liver side-effects or the one that 10% of all kids have a severe allergic reaction to. I would love to only have to make decisions about what kind of sandwich my picky two-year-old might eat today. I spend my days doing speech and occupational therapy with Caden and taking him to special needs preschool and evaluations. Cierra and I visit the neurologist and get test after test done. I am very much living in Holland, when all my life, I was certain that I would be in Italy. But, my children have taught me to love unconditionally and to accept and to be grateful for the all the small things in life. I am thrilled when Caden says "Hi" to someone or lets me wash his hair without a complete meltdown. My heart fills with joy everytime I hear him talk. I love watching him learn to play pretend and try to interact with other kids. I go to bed feeling relieved when Cierra has had a seizure-free day. So, while I struggle to understand the reasons behind the challenges I have been given, I have learned so much from them and have so much gratitude for all the wonderful blessings that I do have. Especially, this time of year, I am even more grateful for all of the many things that the Lord has blessed our family with and for the eternal blessings and promises that he has given to us all.