Life

I'm not sure why I have no desire to blog anymore. So much of it seems so generic and doesn't always truly reflect what was/is happening. Blogging about all the happy, shining moments is great, but to look back and reflect on life and only see those moments, is a disservice to ourselves. It is through our struggles and challenges (personal and otherwise) that we grow and learn. So even though those things can be hard to write about or even painful, it is through those things that we become who we are. Our trials, big and small, are what mold us into the people that we need to become in this life.

I have been through what feels like a tremendous amount trials, some of them so hard and so painful (and much too personal for a blog), that I wasn't sure I would survive them. The depth of pain I have experienced is not something I can put into words. But from this pain and despair, I have discovered things about myself that I never would have known. I have been lifted spiritually and I've grown and learned and changed. My trials have made me who I am today. I have more patience, more compassion, more forgiveness, more love, more understanding. I am a better person because of these trials. I never would have chosen these trials for myself. But now that I've been through them and survived them, I wouldn't change them. Some things are necessary for our growth, no matter how painful they are.

Today I sit here in my family room in Carlsbad, New Mexico, thinking and reflecting on the events of the last few months and of the events that led me to this place. Life is hard. When I was young, I couldn't have imagined what life had in store for me. You dream about getting married, having babies, living in a dream house, having plenty of money, and so on. Blah, blah, blah. Then you wake up and you're 27 and you have 4 kids, no college degree, a huge amount of debt, a child with epilepsy, a child with Asperger Syndrome, you're overweight, and you're renting a teeny little house in the middle of nowhere, 900 miles away from all of your family and friends. Not what I had planned on. At all. But, this is my life right now and I am learning to love it. I am learning to appreciate all of the small and simple things that happen everyday. I am learning to be grateful for what I have and to enjoy every second of every day. Good and bad.

So yes, life is hard. But life is good. Life is amazing, even with all the hardships along the way. So, I want to try and start blogging more often. I want to have this blog to look back on when I'm older so that I can remember our journey, our adventures, our tears shed, our life. I don't want to forget a single second of it.