Welcome to Holland

This poem has really helped me to keep things in perspective the last couple of months. I'm sure that some of you have read it before, but I thought that I would share it for those of you who haven't. I try to read it daily. It reminds me what's really important and helps me appreciate all the beautiful and wonderful things that are Caden.




WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

"Baby Bed"

Caden found the bassinet this morning in our closet and he dragged it out of our room and down the hall to his room and signed "baby bed" over and over again. He's been playing in it all day and having so much fun. We went looking for him a little while ago and this is where we found him. He is such a silly boy!

On a brighter note........

Today while I was doing therapy with Caden, he said: ball, bye, in, out, on, red, yellow, blue, purple, and orange. Most of these were new words that he said for the first time today. Granted, no one else would have understood what he was saying, but I did and I am one proud Mom.

Just a quick update on us

I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while. Caden's diagnosis hit me pretty hard and I haven't felt like doing much of anything lately. Erick and I have been going to some evening classes for parents of newly diagnosed autistic children and we are busy getting a home therapy program set up. We can't afford to have anyone come to our house and do therapy with him, so I'm just learning how and doing it myself and it is exhausting. By the time evening rolls around, my patience is gone and I am ready for Erick to take over. On top of all of that, Erick's job is cutting hours, so we are really broke right now and are seriously considering a move to New Mexico at the beginning of next year. It would be a huge pay increase and they have better therapy for Caden there, plus the cost of living is MUCH cheaper. But, anyone who knows me, knows that I don't want to move away from family, so this decision is also weighing heavily on me. Overall, we are hanging in there, just taking it one day at at a time. This isn't meant to be a pity-post, I just decided not to sugar coat it and to tell it like it is. So that's our update. Hopefully life will get easier for us at some point......