Faith Building Experiences

When Tyler got burned, it kind of felt like the whole world got turned upside down. Our lives were placed on hold and replaced with 7-hour round trip doctor appointments and bandage changes and pain meds and comforting our sweet baby. We were also trying to give our other children attention and trying to keep the house semi-clean and get ready for Christmas.

We are home now and I was hoping that we would pick up where we left off, but life is different now. Tyler's care is still taking up much of my day. We do physical therapy three times a day, play therapy three times a day, minor wound care where the dry skin is cracking open, lots of moisturizing, massaging the scar tissue, putting the glove on, taking it off and putting the splint on and vice versa (they are both really tricky to get on just right,) hand washing all of the bandages and pads and the glove and hang drying them. We also go to PT twice a week. Healing Tyler's hand has become my whole existence. Just as Caden's autism and Cierra's epilepsy did. But trying to find the balance between all four kids is rough. They all want and need my attention. As does Erick and the house. There is laundry to be washed and dishes to be done and meals to be cooked. Plus I am taking an online class and so I am losing quite a bit of sleep staying up late trying to stay caught up on the homework. I feel like I am being pulled in every direction possible.

The point of the preceding is that I am stressed. To my maximum. Yesterday was no exception. Tyler screamed all day. ALL DAY. Screamed and screamed and screamed. I put him in his crib and shut the door multiple times throughout the day because I couldn't handle it anymore. I gave him motrin and codeine. I changed his diaper. I offered him food. And he just screamed some more. He screamed so long and so hard that I was contemplating taking him to the ER because he has never acted this way before. I was worried that I was missing something. Erick has been working nights all week, so he sleeps all day and is gone all night, so I've been 100% on my own. Tyler was calm for a few minutes, so I called my mom. I needed to vent and talk to someone. I was at a breaking point and didn't know how much more I could handle. This was about 8pm. We talked for a few minutes and I told her that I wasn't doing well. I was at a point that I don't think I've ever been at. I felt so alone and so overwhelmed and I just didn't know what to do.

Then there was a knock at my door and I almost didn't answer it because it was dark and we weren't expecting anyone. I was a mess and the house was a mess. But Caden ran to the door and threw it open. It was someone from my ward. He had his youth companion with him and they had been out doing their home teaching and felt like they should stop and by and see how we were doing. I let them in and he asked how I was doing and I promptly started crying. I told him how overwhelmed I was and about the day I had had. I was embarrassed because I don't really know either of them, but the words and the tears just spilled out. He asked me if I wanted a blessing and I said yes. In the blessing I was reminded of many simple truths that I hadn't been thinking about lately. They left soon after that and Tyler started screaming again, Caden demanded all of my attention and it was a battle to get everyone to bed. Life went right back to normal.

But I went to bed last night with a better sense of the love that my Heavenly Father has for me and a deeper appreciation for personal revelation. This brother from my ward is not my home teacher and had no obligation to check on us. Before last night, I had only spoken to him once when he came over with the bishop to give Tyler a blessing when he was first injured. But he listened to a prompting to check on us and I am grateful that he did. When I felt alone and desperate, He sent someone to remind me that I am not alone. I am NEVER alone. He is always with me and knows my needs and knows what is best for me. I am grateful for the knowledge that I have of the gospel and I am grateful for a gracious and loving Heavenly Father that is always there for me.